Self Portrait One

 

self-portrait-1I don’t like people looking me in the eye.

I taught myself to focus on people’s noses and to only regain eye contact on occasion. My conversations are never long.

But I look at myself in mirrors more than what someone may consider usual to save mental hard copies of how I am in that space in time. I wonder who I am and how I’m perceived and if I’d ever look at myself and understand the reflection that looked back at me with identical wonder. Could I ever crack the code. 

Would the day come when I didn’t feel the lingering shame that settled down somewhat after grooming myself, but yet would still twinkle in my eye. That twinkle of vulnerability I didn’t want anyone to see.

I asked myself why today.

I still don’t quite know yet, but I knew to ask and that felt like the first step of a journey that has always been inevitable.

What I do know is, is that I am ready to be seen in a time that would wish I’d feel otherwise.

Natsai Todd

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